just kicking it real.

All Hope

2005-12-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

Just when I've struggled enough to get things together
it all has collasped on me again.

Unconditional love

2005-12-08T21:27:00.000-08:00

Unconditional Love

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home from the war. He called his parents from San Francisco. Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me. Sure, they replied, we'd love to meet him. There's something you should know the son continued, he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us. I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us Son said the father, you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own. At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!! There's a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart. You don't know how it happens or when it gets started. But you know the special lift it always brings and you realize that Friendship is God's most precious gift! Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to u.

you've got a friend in me!

2005-12-05T20:22:00.000-08:00

well, the song "you've got a friend in me" from the movie TOY STORY, is actually a duet that I am going to do with Ben Greenly (what a shortie!) LoL. Well, we're both short ^^;. AHHAHAHAHA. I find that funny.... well... maybe LOL.

anyways, well, due to major headaches, I haven't been able to do much online.
Not to mention even draw @__@... [sniff sniff]

Wow, =O... Last Friday at NDA vs. EAST basketball game was so much fun ^___^
I actually stayed for the whole thing >_< LoL. I made a new friend also =D

Hmmmm... I have alot of things to do V____V... procrasination sucks...
well... I'll come up with more stuff later >_<
JA NE!

relive those memories

2005-11-21T21:39:00.000-08:00

a song i wrote. My little sister and I actually sanged it.

TITLE: RELIVE THOSE MEMORIES
Artist: Maa and Pa Vue

__________________________________________
time passes by, I begin to realize
how little moments like this
could bring tears to my eyes
drifting day by day
I long for your presence by my side
oh, how i want to say

lets relive those days
lets relive those tomorrows
dont forget those words you said
when I met you in the hallway
those party nights and crazy games
oh, how I want to say
lets relive those memories

even though half the goods, the bads
the okays, and the bitter days
interfere with our daily lives
we manage to make it through
even though half the hour, minutes
and seconds I lost you to
someone better
you'd always say,
efforts were worth the price.
oh, how I want to say

lets relive those days
lets relive those tomorrows
dont forget those words you said
when you met me in the hallway
those party nights and crazy games
oh, how I want to say
lets relive those memories

since now, we've been busier
money eats away our lives
so little, little little remincsing time
it makes me wanna cry
do I have to let those memories die? (oh no)

lets go back to present times now
your wedding session is held tomorrow
you had forgotten those words you said
when we finally met in the hallway
those sad nights and annoying games
oh, now I want to say
lets forget those memories

Lets go back to present times now
we've passed eachother in the hallway
you once said, you'll wait for me.

procrasinate!

2005-11-12T22:52:00.000-08:00

I hate when I procrasinate @__@...
well, 2maro I'll be going over to Steve's house with Nate, Phong, and Bibi =)
its going to be pure fun ^_________^

I admit, I dont go to friend's houses alot v_v no wonder nobody ever comes over to my house.
Only place that I ever go over to is my cousin's house.
How sad v_v. So now, its like going to my second time at a guy's house o_o''' how sad is that?
LOL XD. Its true though ^^. I went to Brian Oliver's house once for a school project
and now I'm going over to Steve's house to do some more recording for ACI =D. Once again, PURE FUN!

LIST OF THINGS TO DO:
1. ACI fansite [just need to do the html coding]
2. Nate's digital picture
3. Natalie's digital picture
4. Jordan's digital picture
5. study for biology test on monday
6. finish worksheet for Modern US history
7. finish worksheets, discussions, and pictures for Biology
8. Finish my new drawing
9. Finish writing Modern US History essay
10. Find two new songs for my dance group
11. Learn RESPECT solo for Rhapsody
12. Make up absences for Rhapsody.

yep....... thats ALL that I need to do... hopefully by today and 2maro V_V....
I CAN DO IT! YES I CAN!!!

Asian Caucasion Invasion Show

2005-11-02T17:32:00.000-08:00

I swere, that show is SO FUNNY!
Well, its not a show, but sounds more like a radio station done by Nate and his two friends. I find it hilarious since its about their own thoughts. LoL!
I've only listen to their episode one, four, and six!
Great guys, great guys. I might make a site about it for them. LoL. I find it too much fun! LoL!

Hmmmm, I think school is going alrite. I cant wait for 2maro, since I get to skip 1st through 4th hour! Thats because I have diversity leadership at downtown so yeah! AHAHAHAHAH...
OMG, in gym, it was so hilarious! Nate and David were like wrestling(?) and I think David was harassing Nate for the fun of it, but then IT WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR. LOL! I dont know what actually happened, but Nate was pretty like... iono, acting bashful in a way(?). LoL! But yeah, I wish I knew what actually happened. LoL.

hmmmmm..... what else is there? Hmmmm.... hmmmmmm..... I guess thats all. LoL, CIAO!

sometimes.

2005-10-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a refined me. But why do mirrors have to lie so much? Mirrors cannot show us who we really are inside. Pictures can only show people who beautiful or handsome we are, but not how we act and all. Well, nothing to be done you can say.

Sometimes, there are moments in life where you cant face the next day.
I get that alot. I cant really face the next day due to what happen the day before.
I dont like "fear". It ticks me off you can say. Lol.
When someone looks at me, they cant tell that I've been undergoing stress and fatique.
Sigh, what is happiness? What do you get out of being happy?
You get people's smile and misjudgement on you.
hiding. its all I can ever do.
well, I hate to talk about depressing things all the time.
Maybe in the next post I might put up something nice and happy?
who knows, till next time.

I do not live my life.

2005-10-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

Given the options of what you can do, I'd say, I would of ended life a long time ago.
But, something has prevented me from that.
I realize that its not the people that I live for,
or the friends I have, or my sympathy that has kept me from doing so.
Its the pain and grief.

I've come to the point where speaking is pointless.
No one will understand my pain unless I tell them the whole damn story.
I know for sure, no one would want to listen, unless they were really that kind of a person.
I've come to the point where explaining and correcting what people say of me is tiresome.
They push responsiblity on me
and in the end, blame me for the mistake they created.

I use to talk to my counselor at school back in the days. But somehow
now I cant even depend on her.

to that point.

2005-10-18T04:28:00.000-07:00

I've come to that point where I realize just how much I've hold back against alot of people.
I put myself down to their level so that way they wont feel bad. Sad huh? So, that makes me think, WHAT have I or, what AM I been doing all this time??? WHY do I do these things???

AM I REALLY THAT SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS PEOPLE?

one of my so called "best friends" have literally pissed me off. Seriously, calling me someone who notices things but doesnt really know. Um, EXCUSE ME? FOR YOUR FUCKEN INFORMATION, I know more about you than you know about yourself, you in-denial slut!
Then she goes on rambling say I give her headaches by explaining to much answers to her when she only needs ONE. HELLO!!! How the fuck are people suppose to know what ANSWER you want? Thats why I tell you more than one answer fucktard! She literally, told me to stop doing what I do. And here, I'm like, WTF did I do?

so that brings me back to reality. She's lucky I held back and acted calm about the situation. SHit, i really wanted to smack that lil spoiled slut. Anyways, that makes me wonder, if people really dont like how "annoying" I am, and how I'm so "mommy-ish" towards them, then you know what??? Since I've been so nice for the last 14 years of my life, this time i'll turn my back to you. I've had enough of this FAIR FRIENDLY SHIT!

determination was all I had to work with when I wanted to be perfect.
I'll bring that back to life again.

there are holes in my paper...

2005-10-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

today in Advance LA 10, Mr. Thompson got mad that some of us used the passive voice in our "planning webs" you know? Those webs where you connect one idea to another and blah blah blah. Well, anyways, yeah, he got mad at that(?) and totally poked out the word!!! He took his pen and totally poked a hole through the passive word and some people ended up having holes in their paper!!! LOL~~~~!!!! I was cracking up so bad! Luckily, it didn't happen to me. LOL. So yeah ^^.
Hmmmm, what else happened today? Well, ummm... nothing really.
I really gotta get down with the studies and work on my assignments more properly.
LoL, i can do so much better, but I cant help it. I skim through my work and all...
geez, i wish I was more organized. I think I am very organized, but its just that I dont have much time. I agonize too much over things but never do it sometimes.... LOL, procasination? LOL, who knows... did I even spell that right? LOL~ whatever.
Awwww, in gym today, Nate seemed sad =(
maybe becuz nobody picked him on their team at the end T_T. I hope he doesn't feel bad.
But then again, I dont think thats it though =(. I hate when my friends become gloomy T_T... its so sad... I hope Nate feels better. =)

Hmmmm, I'm worried about myself.

nice and peppy!

2005-09-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

wow, i think had a fun day today. After all that bullshit I got from home and all, going to school made things better for me. Seeing my friends, they made me feel much more lighter and happier. LoL, Nate and Will were so funny in Modern US history! LoL~
we were in the computer lab and Nate and Will were making powerpoints!
Nate's was: " Maa has poo on her " and " Poopy. CaCa " LOL, what an idoit! LoL XD
Will's was: " Maa ... has... no.. friends!!!" LOL, I was cracking up so bad! LoL Since I was sitting there expecting them both to have something nice or something about me! LOL~~~
man, that was so funny. We three were just sitting around not focusing on our projects LOL~
its so freaken funny and fun.

Nate dragged me to gym @___@ it was funny, but at the same time, I was dying. LOL! JK!
But yeah ^^. Gym was fun. Everyone was telling me how positive I am o_o''. Like, I should become a cheerleader LOL. I wish, but cheerleading??? T___T... I'm kinda uncomfortable with that. LOL.
Amanda was like telling her friend how I'm multitalented o_o'' let me think of what I can do >_>'
1. I can dance.
2. I can draw.
3. I'm good at talking!...[wtf..]
4. I can sing.
5. I can do computergraphic designs.
6. I can learn things pretty quickly.

I think thats it >_>... its not much.. and I dont think thats really alot either. LOL
anyways, fun day it was, fun day. LoL, well thats all for now!!!

a poem I wrote a long time ago.
-------------------------------------------
My life becomes a struggle as I move forward in ethereal disillusionment,
Constantly bound in an attempt to obtain what never should be,
marching onward into the abyss of the world,
Nothing has ever come easily for me,
I have fought hard to obtain the false throne before them,
Achievement has come to the well deserving,
But the losses accrued may weigh me down,
Determination was all I had to work with,
All other instances of joy were cast aside for my gain,
Scars inflicted that will never heal,
my life was one big sacrifice to achieve my goal,
I did not make the full trail, but the price did not change,
Nothing lost can be regained as it was before,
Nothing gained can be kept forever,
In the end, there is nothing constant,
With nothing to lose, there is still something lost,
A person`s achievement does not mean it was easy,
A person`s false happiness masks the pains of the struggleto their place,
I may have what I wanted, but I`m still a square in a circle`s hole. --- Maa Vue

contagious frustration

2005-09-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

iono... this is like probably not new to my really close friends. But what the hell, I might as well post it around since I think its "fun" to talk about my hidden side.

My friends who dont think I'd swear alot or anything... just to let you know-if you think that... what the fuck.
My friends who think that people who want to commit suicide are stupid... just to let you know-if you think that.......then you're calling me stupid.
My friends who make fun of those who have odor problems... just to let you know-if you think that.......I use to have a bad odor smell when I was just a kid.
My friends who judges people by their clothing... just to let you know......you're hurting my feelings.

Well, I can let you into some of my "secrets". Well, they're not really secrets anymore now.

I use to be in a big depression for 3 years. I realized that just one year ago that I was really depressed due to pressure, frustration, and fear.
You dont live everyday in fear not knowing when your parents will pass away.
You dont live everyday where someone is always watching for your downfall.
You dont live everyday where you're put under restrictions.
You dont live everyday inside your house - never able to fly like others.
You dont live everyday having everyone in your family despise you.
You dont live everyday being told that you will turn out -"just like her".
You dont live everyday.... being stepped over and over again.

The last time I went out of the house not telling my parents, I was lectured for at least a good 2 days. My family looked at me differently for those 2 days... it was the most saddest thing.

The last time I could remember wanting to be perfect was when my mother was on the verge of dying. I was just a child and just at that moment, my life completely turned.

The words that I will never forget from my siblings - " you slut! you whore! you're such a bitch!"

The words that I will always be in fear of ... - " you'll turn out just like her...."

if and then

2005-09-26T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm... if and then statements in Geometry. I already learned that in Intergrated Math 1. I gotta admit, everyone thinks that Intergrated Math 1 is like for "dummies" but it really, REALLY isn't. You see, its the same thing as Algebra but in more of an advance way. So yeah, I basically learned those if-then stuff already and find it funny and pointless in a way.

Hmmmm.... I finally got pictures of myself... LOL.... how lame.
My friend got so jealous of me.... but you know, whats there to be jealous over? o_O?

Anyways, I got a test in Modern US History 2maro.... I didn't study... in fact, I dont even know what we're doing in that class. LOL oh well, I'll study in the morning...

IF I remember, THEN I think things will turn out right. LOL

look to your right

2005-09-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

yes, I see my friend. Hi Julie! [waves hysterically]

LoL, anyways.... pretty random... I can ALWAYS edit this whenever so yeah...
blah... I'm lazy.... I'm listening to a pretty crappy remix. I wish I had the original of this song I'm listening to t hough.... hard to find you can say. But yeah, anyways, gosh, Mr Thompson would SO kill me if he saw me writting without taking out the passive voice. LoL
like I care........... its just a blog. LoL

I'll talk later. I'm too lazy.